Water freezes to ice when the air temperature dips below 33 degrees Fahrenheit, while rain turns to snow at 32 degrees. We don’t have to understand physics completely, yet we know the difference. Ice and water are made up of the same elements but react differently based on their environment.
We operated with “ice in our veins” for decades before we melted down or hit our true “bottom.” We had pulled into Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) solo in state. That is how we functioned – or didn’t. We thought we could manage the drink through our own power. And though we failed time after time we believed that one day we would conquer the problematic and consume like many around us.
This internal battle of hot and cold was exhausting. We would somewhat succeed on occasion, only to collapse more frequently. The environment we created came from the same brain that placed us in constant predicament and flux mode: hot then cold, cold then hot.
We took steps to rectify the swings. We sought to pacify the frictions we had formed. We would attempt to change for our spouse, child, or job. We would go through the motions but never alter our illusions. We listened to others with half an ear, quickly discounting the applicability based on the differences. We heard of scenarios but failed to hunt for the similarities.
We were not ready. Our own environment kept us oscillating between survival and success.
Nothing changes until something changes, and everything changes when everything changes. We would need to steady our temperature for transformation to occur.
There was not one thing that would work for us. It took several fundamental changes for stability and a triumph that would take. Modifications of the head and heart were needed for healing to freeze in place. We required a level of commitment, yet commitment was not the answer. We needed help from those experienced in recovery, and that in of itself would not bring us the stability we sought. What we knew wasn’t working, so we had to learn a new. Religion, as we understood it, afforded no cure on its own, but we heard that a spirituality of sorts possessed a power well beyond our capabilities. (though we initially rejected this notion, acceptance became the fine thread of frozen or thawed. – this surrender formed the strength of our sobriety).
The beauty of conforming to the directions of this new life bleeds over to all aspects of our existence. Abstinence provides opportunity. The sober life, emotional management, scores where zeros were once frozen. What has melted away is resentment, fear, and frustration.
A single blog can't spell the path to the complete solution to life’s complexities. A single AA meeting does not hold the power to transform. We chip away one teach at a time. We melt away one degree at a time. We remain open, and we keep coming back.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from a sober.coffee bonus bonus podcast titled "Bonus: AA Newcomer Meeting - Listen in on an Actual 1st Step Meeting" The podcast dropped on 7/31/2022. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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