We didn't cause it; we can't control it; we can't cure it
The Three C’s of Al-Anon
Living with people is tough—just ask our wives. Living with an alcoholic is even harder. We now know the damage that we caused with our boozy behavior. The ripples that resulted from our reckless conduct impacted those we loved, yet the addiction let us continue the abuse long after we recognized we were “in one.” This meant those closest to us suffered needlessly for years as they tried to fix us. We have all learned over time that that task was left in the hands of us – the addict.
Most families have had experience of hurt from within. Statistically speaking, a significant majority have been touched, in some way, by the terror and trouble associated with a dangerous addiction. Alcohol compulsion has led the pack for centuries. Lately, we have seen a surge in drug abuse, and this double-headed monster is devastating millions of addicts and their families.
There is hope for the hurting, and it begins with compassion.
Al-Anon, a support group for families of addicts, was formed in 1951 to help members recover from the effects of alcoholism in their lives. The wives of the founders of AA, Bill W and Dr Bob founded this Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) offshoot. Today, over 24,000 groups are meeting in 118 countries.
The Al-Anon program is a godsend to many. Its practices and principles are rock-solid, and the support found within its membership is about as good as it gets. We have witnessed this firsthand.
We have also heard of people who had bad experiences. Some felt that the focus was on the alcoholic in the family and that the meetings were bitch sessions, while others said there wasn’t enough of that; that they were looking for a place to vent. The complaints clearly contradict each other. The fact is that a healthy Al-Anon group focuses on the individual member and not the alcoholic or drug addict. Our advice is simple: Find a healthy group.
The beauty of both programs (AA and Al-Anon) is that the emphasis is on finding and adhering to a better way of life. We have discovered that they are safe places to address our vulnerabilities, character assets, and defects and form a reliance on a power greater than ourselves. The emphasis of consideration is on the solution, not the problem.
Compassion is the basis for healing. Alcoholics require a level of self-love and self-respect. If loving others is the requirement, then loving self is the prerequisite. Mending starts in the moments where, with clarity, we come to an understanding that we are diseased, afflicted with an inability to stop at just one drink. This flaw in our fiber is fixable through abstinence, but the cure is across-the-board compassion.
Likewise, this base of love, compassion, and acceptance forms real restoration and releases us to meet others where they are. Identifying that we can't control others or cure a disease that baffles most doctors is, in fact, the first step to total treatment. Knowing that we didn’t cause the situation clears the way for the ultimate cure. When we hand over the responsibility of healing to a greater power, we take strides toward our own sanity, our own serenity.
It all starts with compassion.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from a sober.coffee podcast #71 titled "Intro to Al-Anon - With Cathy" The podcast dropped on 8/3/2022. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Meghna R on Unsplash
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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