We came into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) alone. We had hit a point of pain that was no longer tolerable. It was our pain and our pain alone. Obviously, we had hurt others, but it was our extreme distress that drove us into the rooms of AA. We had crossed once uncrossable lines. We had come to be shame, guilt, regret, and remorse. Self-disgust from within our core had seeped to the surface. We could hardly stomach the man in the mirror. The darkness of our deeds drew us toward abstinence as surely, to stop was to start. The answer to our intense misery would be found in curbing or abandoning our alcohol and drug intake, we surmised.
What we found in the early days of recovery was that the pain intensified as light exposed the details of the disgust, and shame overwhelmed our senses. We internalized and anguished until we, out of desperation, embraced the principles laid out before us. We struggled until we surrendered and began to share the burden of our hearts. Through honesty and openness, we learned that others had overcome regret and that relationships had been restored. Courage replaced fear as we acquired tools to process the past and live in the present.
We began to move forward with humility and responsibility. We shed light on our secrets, and the stress and remorse evaporated into a cloud of comfort.
It is in appreciating that we are only as sick as our secrets that our recovery occurs. It is in the awareness that we are not alone in the struggle that healing happens. It is the share that shapes our sobriety.
We sought the light the program promised and found strength as we revealed the parts of us that burdened our being. We came to realize that a fully exposed past has little power to persuade the present.
In short, with the help of others, we released the baggage that held us down. We learned to shed the weight of regret through an understanding uncovered over time and working the 12-step recovery program.
We could not imagine life any other way. The peace that comes with being fully exposed has become our greatest asset. And yes, this brings a certain amount of vulnerability, which we see as yet another superpower. To live a life of honesty, pure honesty is to truly live.
We didn't get to where we are today alone, and we won't progress without the inclusion of others. So, though we entered AA alone, today, we march with an army that keeps us free through doing life together.
This was not what we had envisioned. We thought despair was ours forever but have found delight instead. We had only an ounce of hope and a bit of strength to start; we followed suggestions and shared our secrets, only to find a tone of hope and unlimited power.
May good exposure transform the reader of this post – that is our prayer.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from sober.coffee podcast #152 titled "Rapid Fire" - 6'sh Sober Espresso Shots PART 2” The session dropped on 2/21/2024….Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by 🐣 Luca Iaconelli 🦊 on Unsplash
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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