The first sip was painful. We may have thrown up a little. Everything about it was uncomfortable. The taste was less than what we expected, and the hurt flowed from lip to stomach. Nothing was soothing about it – nothing sexy. We had brought ourselves to this point. We had made the decision to partake. Through clenched lips, we accepted a second – and a third. We were committed. The body brought us to this point, and the mind followed.
Playing through the discomfort, we found what we had been looking for: a displacement from reality. Once through the awkwardness of the act, we found a groove that gifted us with freedom from fear, insecurities, inadequacies, and anxieties.
For some time, we balanced the befuddled with the benefits. As we cried inside, we laughed for the world. We had, sip-by-sip, fueled a habit we called happiness. Swallow-by-swallow, we moved from who we truly were to who we had seemingly become: a frame of falsehoods.
At a point, the house came crumbling down. Finances were a mess, relationships strained, spiritually bankrupt, physically flat-lined, morally corrupt, and ostensibly out of options. We had reached the end of the line to nowhere, and for the first time, we admitted that the path we had chosen had led us to death's door – this was hard to swallow.
We came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous because we had to, not because we wanted to.
The first step was painful – we may have thrown up a little. Everything about it was uncomfortable. Defeat was more than we could bear, and the hurt reared from head to toe. Nothing was soothing about it – nothing sexy. However, we had made the decision to partake. Through the fears and tears, we did little more than listen. We got through the first meeting and then two – and a third. We were committed, if nothing else. The body brought us to this point, and the mind followed.
We keep coming back because we want to, not because we have to.
We kept at it and the results have been over-the-top. We lead with the body, and our minds catch up. We read, listen, watch, and do the things that need to be done. We have found the antidote to our fears, insecurities, inadequacies, and anxieties. We have found it in the in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. We have found it in the teachings and the fellowship. We have found it from within.
Struggles still exist as life throws at us life. The battle of the brain will rear its ugly head, and we have come to anticipate the dips. We know that we created a habit of destruction that served us until it didn’t and that we now feed a habit of hope – one meeting at a time. We now possess the healing experience, which motivates us more than the hurt. We have found that sweet spot that makes life easier to swallow.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from a sober.coffee bonus podcast #70 titled "PRO SOBRIETY! - AA Alternative(s) Part 3 - Women for Sobriety" The podcast dropped on 7/27/2022. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Mateusz Butkiewicz on Unsplash
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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