Redeemed “to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental.: to release from blame or debt : clear: to be free from the consequences of sin” Merriam Webster.
A man was overheard at a meeting saying that he did not know how he was going to handle his daughter's wedding without drinking. Another pressed the man to uncover the wedding date and discovered the daughter was just shy of 3 years old. Surely, the man had enough time to accumulate the tools needed to survive such an occasion alcohol free.
Not every tale ends with a flying fairy. Not every hurt is healed. Not every day is sunny. Not every dream comes true. Not every question has an answer. Not every story is one of redemption. These are truths that transcend time.
We tend to build up possibilities and perceptions about events and relationships that seldom play out. We usually drive through a circumstance, attempting to control the outcome. Both of these defects cause us strife and contradict the new life path we have chosen. And yes, sometimes we carry the weight of who we were instead of holding ourselves as saved – protected in who we are today.
For so long, our words meant nothing. We built a resume of lost promises. We worked recovery our way and when it was convenient for us. Nobody wants to hear the same old or even be in the presence of the constant chaos that characterized our lives. We had flipped the script and became the mess for somebody else to clean up.
Surrendering to fully living 12-step recovery changed everything. Over time and with effort, we healed ourselves and mended our relationships. But not immediately, as trust builds over time—it is a process of repeated truths combining consistent words and actions. The opening could take years, even decades.
Sober means saying what I am going to do and then doing it. This simple act of responsibility reflects that we are, in fact, living in the lane of honesty and integrity. The more this is repeated, the more legitimate our being becomes.
We have learned this lesson in thousands of meetings over the years, where tens of thousands of life-altering comments have been shared. We couldn’t help but absorb and respond in accordance with these suggestions. We moved in faith that they would work for us as well, and more times than not, they did.
Today, we set our standards based on what the book (Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book) promises. We spend little time reflecting on the wrongs of the past. When possible, we make amends and then go about exhibiting our true transformation with our behavior.
Back to the man and the wedding; over time, he will prepare himself for the future by setting a tone today. He will remind himself daily that he is alcoholic by nature, that he can't change the past or, for that matter, mandate a change for the future. He will come to grips with those characteristics that serve him well and those that hurt him. He will clean up the past the best he can, and he will come to understand that there is a spirit, a force greater than himself, that loves and accepts him where he is. He will become one with the present and realize he is living the dream and that he is redeemed.
That is our wish for him and for anyone reading this.
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from a sober.coffee bonus podcast titled “Wedding Bells - Embracing the Landslide”… The podcast dropped on 6/12/2022. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Lavi Perchik on Unsplash
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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