“it is the last straw that breaks the camel's back.”
- an Arabic proverb, best we can tell
Manipulation was part of our makeup before we came to see the light of a new way to live. Half-truths trumped whole stories. We delivered deceit whenever our lips moved. It was how we rolled: Tell them what they wanted to hear and talk until our motive was met.
The problem was in keeping it all sorted out. Lies piled on lies are difficult to navigate when dry and more so when drunk. Caught more times than not, our reputation was in ruins, and our self-respect disintegrated, causing us to drink all the more.
A bunch of little things add up to a big thing. A single strand of straw bears no weight but one million of the little suckers is a load no camel can carry. The uniquely humped animal can hold a certain load but will fold if the burden is too big. We can only handle so much stress before it affects our mental health and psyche.
The thing about honesty is that it usually has layers. The whole story comprises the entirety of the tale. Leaving out certain portions intentionally is lying by omission. Telling the wife we had “a few drinks” doesn’t reflect the fifth we consumed. Representing that we were “in a relationship” when, in fact, we were married is a misrepresentation. Stating that we “went to” a college (to party) presumes we graduated with a degree.
Purposefully withholding relevant information to influence is a lie and a weight we have no desire to carry.
As we look at the long list of values one can subscribe to, integrity, honesty, and trust lead the pack in the playbook supporting our new existence. As important as authenticity, balance, compassion, community, faith, justice, kindness, openness, peace, self-respect, and spirituality are to us, we believe they all hinge on our willingness and ability to be totally honest.
Misrepresenting the truth is a lie. That simple truth has been a standard beat that we drum by. Leaving out pertinent facts can reshape a scenario in our favor, and today, we know that it is a danger to our sobriety.
Our recovery counts on consistency and honesty.
Others' trust in us has become a descriptor—a reflection of our commitment to telling the whole story even when the consequences of such action can negatively affect us. The slight pain we endure in those situations is worth it. What we avoid is the agony caused by the conflict that can live inside.
There is a line used around the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous that says, “Keep your side of the street clean.” This means that we need to pay attention to our actions and words, live simply and effectively, and be prepared to tidy up immediately when a mess arises.
A clean street states the relative facts. A clean street does not manipulate. A clean street respects the truth. A clean street notices the straw.
“Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive”.
Sir Walter Scott
Thoughts and ideas for this blog post were taken and built upon from sober.coffee podcast episode #172 titled “The Value of Trust" The session dropped 7/10/2024. Click here to hear the podcast.
Photo by Mads Severinsen on Unsplash
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Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics World Service. Inc. References to AA, the 12 steps, and 12 traditions does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be considered a substitute for healthcare professionals' advice. The author’s advice and viewpoints are their own.
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